


Behind your footprint

by TrashHuman



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:08:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 15,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22377721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashHuman/pseuds/TrashHuman
Summary: Lost in the Beach - The souls may find - A way to cross the lifeNot native english speaker
Relationships: Heartman (Death Stranding)/Reader
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

“ONE”. That’s the last thing he could hear behind his closed eyes, before immediately hear the waves purring close, and the constant slow wind howling in his hair. His blue eyes open, now dyed in gray and he quickly scan the landscape as he stand up. Black sand, again, the usual gray around, the silence, the hills, even the smell… That ugly mix between stagnant water and rottenness that always penetrated his nose and bury in his skull. He never could get used to that smell, even after almost 10 years feeling it. 

There was nobody. Again. These was one of the so many empty Beachs that he knew so much. Heartman look around, until he find a big rock to walk towards it, he move his foot, to draw a big H and a arrow, and he start to walk to where it pointed, hearing the sand and stones crushing below his shoes, always leaving the seashore in his right. That was his method since long time ago, even knowing that will be useless, knowing that the Beach don’t have a north, a direction, nothing to orient, but the fact to have some kind of logical methodology help him to don’t become insane in that eternal place.

And he walk decidedly, in a firm path, righ in the limit of the water, his shoes touching barely the wet sand, sometimes avoiding crabs, sometimes just dodging any of the millons of animals stranded. He know them all, each single species, and he even counted them, long time ago, to keep his mind busy, but he stop after reach the 600 thousand and one.   
Nothing. His family was not there. Of course. 

“Wait!” Sound clearly through the wind. That surprising sound make him jump a little over his feets. He was so used to the quiet muffled sounds so characteristics of the Beachs, that hear a voice sounded like some kind of shot through his head. Not even he talked in the Beach, not even to himself. 

“Wait!” He hear again, closer. The air bring the voice, he knew that was is his back, so he turn back, looking someone running towards him. For a second all his hopes back into his soul as a punch of heat, believing that maybe was his wife or daughter, but the warm feeling slowly fade away as he see that woman getting closer. She was none of them, and a dense wave of sadness cover him again.

\- Is… you…- You said, out of breath, studying him, his face, his body, his weird box- I… saw you…   
Heartman look at you, confused. “What is she doing here?” He thought, noticing that you was not full gray, but you had a very weak general color “She is not completely gray… She is… alive?”.  
\- Please… You must help me… Please…- You approach to him.  
\- Well…- He thought a second, surprised by his own voice- Yes, of course… But who are you?.  
\- I don’t know!- You almost scream, holding the desires to start to cry- I don’t know who I’m, I don’t know how come here, I don’t know nothing, I can’t remember anything!.  
\- Is okay, is okay, calm down… Come here- He point a near big rock- Why we don’t sit down and figure it out? All right?  
\- Y-yeah… Okay…  
You walked towards the rock, sitting, seeing how he was doing the same at your side.  
\- You said that you saw me?- He ask you.  
\- Yes!- Your eyes nailed fast in his eyes- You are the walking dude!  
\- The what…?  
\- The walking dude! I… saw you walking in the distance, a few times… You are the only one who come back!- You started to despair- Who are you?! Where we are?! Why you come back?! Can you make me leave?! Please! Take me out of here!!  
You grabbed his arm, with tears now running for your cheeks. Instinctively you hugged his arm, so tight and strong that his bones would have broken if they where real.   
\- I’m lost here…- You sobbed against his arm- I can’t remember anything… I’m walking alone here since… I don’t know… months? Years? And nobody talk me, they all walk… they walk away to the ocean… Y-you are the only one who answer… Who I can touch… Please help m-me… I’m becoming… crazy…  
Heartman give a soft sigh, now with another kind of sadness in his shoulders. He have already a couple of ideas of why you was stranded there, and none of them are really good news.  
\- Is okay…- He whisper to calm you, as he pat gently one of your hands in his arm- I will do my best to help you, okay? Take your time, try to calm down… 

He saw you nod, breathing a little, as he know that there was still some time before his AED bring him back. And that worry him a little. Maybe, in his next journey to the Beach, he will be in another place, and you, lost forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Some time pass, as you tried to feel yourself better, to calm your confused soul. Heartman was paying attention to you, analyzing you, thinking in how you was a little more young than him but not too much, seeing part of your face, your clothes. You was dressed normally, a sweater, long pants, shoes, which give him a little more of information. He knew that the people in the Beach wear the clothes they use at the time of the death, so your presence there was more accidental than planned. He see you more calm, how you drying your eyes with the back of your hand.

\- Do you feel a little better?- He ask, softly, patting again your hand in his arm.

\- Y-yes… I’m sorry…- You low your head, a little ashamed for how you behave with some total strange.

\- Is okay… So… Tell me… Do you remember your name?

\- No…

\- Is fine… We will figure it out. You can call me Heartman… What can you remember?

\- I…- You looked at him- Nothing… I just remember wake up here…

\- And before that?

\- Nothing… Sometimes I think that I can remember something but the idea just go away in a second…

\- Mmmm… I see… You said that you see people going inside the water, why you don’t follow them?

\- I’m afraid of the ocean- You mutter- I feel like something attract me but… The terror is stronger.

\- Good. Never go there…

\- Why?

He doubt for a second, opening is mouth. “She is lost here… How I will tell her that she is more dead than alive?”

\- Why?- You ask again, feeling that this kind guy was hidding something.

\- All right…- He look at you- But try to not freak out…

You stayed still, hearing that dude with complex vocabulary explain you a bunch of things that sounded like some kind of weird joke. When he stop, you just stay in the same position, almost more lost than before.

\- Do you… get anything?- He ask you.

\- B-but…- You shake a little your head- That can’t be…

\- You don’t believe me…

\- Is hard to believe these things… I mean… Is apocalyptic.

\- It is, indeed… But look yourself, look where we are. Do this seems easy to believe to you?

\- Maybe I’m dreaming…

\- No, this is real…

After 220.650 times in the Beach, Heartman was self trained to calculate instinctively how much time left he could have, and he was sure that in any moment, he would back to life. He just stand up and walk fast towards the shore, look around in the sand and pick something, to walk fast back to you.

\- Hear me carefully- He say, taking your hands and putting a tiny seashell in your palm- Take this, and don’t lost it, is my totem.

\- What?- You look the tiny gray seashell.

\- I will leave soon…

\- What?!- You look at him, scared- No! Please! I don’t want to be alone here again! Please!

\- I have to back to the side of the living. Don’t leave this place, stay here. I will use that seashell to try to find you again, I will back soon, I promise you that.

\- Heartman! Please!

\- If you want to have a chance to leave this place, do as I say. I can’t help you from here, I need use my living body for that. Trust me…

\- But what if you don’t come back?!- You take his hands when you see him move a little away of you.

\- Trust me, little one…

You see how he give a short deep breathe as the color in his body cover to him as a wave, and you see how something seems to pull him off abruptly, making you lose the grab of his hand.

\- Heartman!- You scream, trying to grab him again, but you see him vanish right in front of you- Heartman!!

You panic, running right to where he was, calling him. And you call him again, again and again, until the terror was invading you completely, forcing you to hug yourself, kneeling in the black sand.

\- I’m alone again…- You mutter- He is gone… I’m alone again…I’m alone again…I’m alone again… I’m alone again… I’m alone again…

Your voice repeat it, over and over, scared, as a chant, during the enough time to allow your little tired reasoning to come back.

\- Trust you…- You whisper, not knowing what to do.

But you had already tried everything time ago, there was no more options than trust that men and hope he really come back. You slowly stand up and walk back to the big rock, as you sitted in the sand. Your tired red eyes looked the seashell in your fingers, thinking in all what he said. You put it in your fist and lean it firmly against your chest.

\- Please back…- Your voice was weak and sad- Don’t go forever… Back soon, please… I don’t know what to do…

You closed your eyes, feeling the tears running in your skin, and the wind howling in your head.


	3. Chapter 3

Heartman open his eyes as the air back into his lungs again. He breathe deep, a couple of times, hearing his AED giving the repetitive and monotonous rhythm of his heart. All the colors seemed several times brighter, which was normal in the first minute when he back from the Beach. He dry a little his cheeks, restart his chiral hourglass, and start to take note.

\- Jump number 220.651- He moved the fingers in the air- No luck…

He stay still a moment, thinking. “What I should do now…? I go to the beach to find my family but… What I do with her? Just… Ignore her? I can’t do that, I promise her to back… Why did I do that?” He give a long deep sigh “That poor thing… Who knows since how many years she is there, alone… I can’t help her now, I have nothing to make a research… No name, no time, nothing…”

He stand up and walk slowly for his lab, until he find a box in his storage, not big but filled with seashells that he collected in his life. There was a good ammount of seashells of the same kind that he gave you, so pick the most similar one and walk back to his chair. “This one should be enough… Similar things seems to be more connected in the Beach… And then? I need to find out how she end there… Her memory don’t work, so or she is braindead or into a very heavy coma. Her body could be anywhere… And dying… Her color is way too soft… I need to find out how make her remember something about her past, tell it to Deadman, bring her back, so I can keep searching them…” He sit sofly in his chair, looking the seashell “Who are you?

The 21 minutes pass fast, and soon he was again hearing that mechanical voice say “one” before back to the Beach, holding tight a seashell in his hand. The smell hit him first, and he open his eyes, looking the water, the sand, the same place.

He look around, detecting the big stone a little far away, and a bend figure sitted against it. The man sigh soft, looking around, just in case his family was there, to walk slowly towards you. You seemed asleep but as soon he was closer, the sound of the stones in his shoes make you lift your eyes. He saw your eyes open fast and look right to him.

\- Heartman!- You stand up as fast as you could- You come back! You trully come back!

\- Of course I come back, I promise it to you, remember?

He saw how you give a couple of steps towards him, with open arms, as if you was going to hug him, but repenting in a moment.

\- Is okay- He smile softly as open his arms- You can hug me if you need it.

You come closer to hug him quickly. You usually will not do that, but see him back was a mouthful of life to your tired soul. Too much time screaming for somebody to answer you, too much time alone in the sand, becoming yourself crazy, without nobody in that grey hell of place. It felt as if you was in that beach since a decade, alone. And he was back, finally a familiar voice, something to keep your little hopes, to make you believe that was not trully a hell. Too much time without hug someone. You could not avoid just squeeze him more, afraid that he leave again.

\- You promised me to back soon…- You murmur, with the cheek in his shoulder- You take too long… Why?

\- Is the Beach, here the time stops- He rub soft you back- For me was 21 minutes, for you… Depend of your mind.

\- What?- You look at him, as you move a little apart- Depend?

\- Well…- He sit softly in the sand- Think this… In the living world, we can track and understand the time, and yet, the time will pass different to each one, regardless the fact that 60 seconds are the same 60 seconds…

\- I think so?- You sit in his side.

\- Time is relative, even when is technically a immovable factor…

\- Einstein…- You look into the nothing- E=mc2… Equivalence between mass and energy… The relativistic mass of an object changes with the speed of an object, it increases as the speed of an object increases from the point of view used…

\- What?- He look at you, confused- How you know that?

\- I… Don’t know?- You look his eyes- I don’t even know what that means…

\- That means something different, but still a valid point… Imagine this: You are working in something absurdly boring, you watch the clock all the time and 15 minutes feels like ages… But if you go to sleep, 8 hours can feel like a blink. The time is the same, what’s is changing is how you perceive it. You got me?

\- Yes- You nod.

\- If someone put you in a room without windows and clocks, how you can track the time?

\- Counting?

\- Correct, and still, depend in how you count it, the time will not be the same, even if the real time is moving linearly. So, here is no time, how you can track the time?

\- You just say there is not time…- You get confused.

\- So… You “make” the time here… I still have a body in a universe in which the time is going foward, that’s why I should leave and back, but you don’t. If you wait for me, thinking in the time I take in come back, for you, it can feel almost endless, so don’t do that… You will become totally insane. Trust me, I experienced with the time once and the human brain is not made to not have real time… 

\- And what I do then?- You cross your arms.

\- Don’t focus in the time, don’t focus in how long I will take… This will sound stupid and pretty much as empty words, but try practice meditation, hear the wind, don’t do anything that direct you to the time. With me out this Beach, you are the time, make it fly. All right?

\- Yeah… Got this…

\- Now, you could remember something from your past?

\- No… Except that piece of Einstein… I should know it from somewhere…

\- That’s good, little one, don’t over stress.

\- You don’t have idea how much I tried to remember something… my name… anything… But there is a wall in my head, and I can’t pass through that…- You sigh long, lowering the head.

\- I will help you with that, don’t be sad…- He rub softly your shoulder.

\- But…- You looked at him- You don’t tell me why you are here… Why you come back? Obviously you know this place better than me so, why you come to this hell, each time?

You see his soft expression get a sad veil, and his grey eyes just look away. In that moment you regret have done that question. He seemed like a very kind, sweet guy, so ruin his mood was not something that you was happy to make.


	4. Chapter 4

You hear that kind man talk you about his life, his weird heart sharped heart, his first death, how the voidouts destroy his life, his endless fruitless search for his family, his job, his hopes, his nightmares. You pay attention to him, how his voice sometimes cracked, how some gray tears running slowly in his gray cheeks, and that breake a little your own soul. He maybe have a past to remember and a body to return, but from one way or another, he seems so lost as you.

\- I’m sorry…- You whisper, rubbing soft his back- I should not ask…

\- Is okay…- He breathe- I must carry on…

\- But… You said that whoever enter to the ocean, go to The Seam… And is a point of not return… Why you…?

You stopped, feeling the answer deep in your guts. In some way, you knew it. You feel it, as if you had done the same. Was his way to not totally die.

\- Nevermind…- You sigh long, looking away- Heartman… Is possible to remember… feelings?

\- Feelins?- He look at you, partly relieved to notice your small break of topic, in his benefit- Yes, the emotional memory is the strongest way of memory… Do you feel something?

\- Is like… When I hear you talk about how you lost your family… I felt as if I knew how that feels… As if I know that pain… That’s possible? Even if I don’t remember anything?

\- Yes, is possible… And since your memory about your past and facts are totally out of the range, we should focus in your emotional memory. Maybe, in some point, the feelins can trigger the real memory locked down and you could finally remember who you are. If you feel something, don’t force yourself trying to match it with a memory, just let it flow, feel it…

\- And if that don’t work?- You turn to look his eyes.

\- Don’t focus in that, stress yourself will be worse to remember information.

\- Easy to say…- You wishper, looking down- You don’t have to remain here, you can leave…

\- And I don’t have to be here, helping you, but still, here I’m…- He take one of your hands, take off the seashell and put the one which he brought, right in your palm- Keep this one. This is the Ka of the seashell that’s with me, the soul of the living one. I will use the Ha, or physical one, to find you better the next time. Don’t lose it.

\- What?- You look the seashell- Things can have a soul?

\- Yes, and no. When someone die, the Ka take the shape of the Ha to could pass to The Seam. In that process, almost eveything touching the living body in the process to the death, get impregnated with the Ka, so it show up in the Beach, in the shape of clothes, accessories, my AED, the seashell. Now, since that seashell is already here and with you, it will not back with me, and when I return, that will work as a “beacon”for me.

\- So… This have your soul? That will not affect you back in there?

\- The soul, as the Beach, lacks of quantity- He stand up slowly.

\- Oh…- You look at him, feeling that he was close to leave again- Is time again…

\- Time… Beach?- He look at you.

\- True, true… But how you know when is time if there is no time?

\- Because I’m out the time… Is hard to explain…- He deny soft- So, forget that for now…

\- All right… Heartman…- You look more into his eyes- Thank you… I know is not your job help me… I would say that you are saving my life, but seems that you are saving my soul instead.

\- Is okay- He smile gently- I like to imagine that you would do the same in my position.

\- I would not- You look how him frown before you could clarify- Not because I give a shit, but because I’m sure that I would not have any idea of how help you. You are the smart here.

\- Oh- He chuckle- You are not stupid, you only lack of memory…

You see his soft smile vanish with the rest of his body, leaving you alone, again. Instinctively you wave at him, imperceptibly, as if he could see you, and you just stay there, looking in where he was supposed to be, as if you could still feel his soul. Slightly you shake your head, to wake up a little, and you look again the seashell in your hand, thinking, playing with it in your fingers, feeling yourself a little less lost in that depressing place.

\- Jump 220.652- Write Heartman in the air- No luck.

He sigh soft, looking the seashell in his left hand. He deny softly and leave his chair to walk slowly in his place. “All right… Some vague information is better than nothing…” He thought, walking “She seems to lost somebody in her life… But who does not?… And for some reason, Einstein… So she needs to know something about quantum physics, at least basic physics… Is not a normal uncultivated person, but that don’t give me nothing else to find her…”

The scientist keep walking around, to lean soft his butt against his old wooden desk, looking the mountains covered with a shiny snow, the frozen crater below. He cross his arms, letting his mind wander in the conversation with the stranded woman, looking the slow snowflakes crash against the huge window, as sad spirits of the winter.

His mind remember your words “I would say that you are saving my life, but seems that you are saving my soul instead” as he tapped thoughtfully his AED. “I’m doing both… If I don’t save your life, your soul will remain there forever… With your fear to the ocean, you will never cross to The Seam… You would become in a wandering soul until the end of the times… Fear to the ocean…” He frown slightly “Another emotional memory… I should check that… The fear can be so traumatic than anything close the water can trigger a memory” A long sigh escaped from his mouth “I should be using these times in the Beach looking for them… I could be losing them more, just because this lost girl…”

He stretch soft, a little tired. Was time to one of his 21 minutes nap.


	5. Chapter 5

When Heartman back to the Beach, he find a weird image in front his eyes. You was laying down in the black sand, your closed eyes facing the cloudy gray sky, as a sleeping mermaid. If was not because you have still colors in your body, he would have thought that your body was finally dead. His slow steps get closer to you, but you seems not notice him at all, and he find out that the sand all around you was written. Even below his shoes, there was the same word written over and over, at least fifty times, in all the sizes and even in different fonts.

He walk more close to you, seeing how you don’t move at all, so he sat in your side and approached his hand to your arm, to touch you, but your soft voice stop him.

\- I can feel you, Heartman…- You whisper, still, closed eyes.

\- You feel me? To what do I feel?- He say, softly, looking at you.

\- I’m not sure… Familiar, calming… warm… Like when you back to a old place in your childhood and you feel it… welcoming…- You sigh soft- I think you feels like… you…

\- At least I know now that there is a way to feel a Ka… That’s an interesting information that I did not know, thank you- He look your hand a little lifted, like waiting for his hand, so he gently took your fingers.

\- You welcome…- You squeeze soft his hand.

\- Cyclophosphamide- He say- You write it everywhere… Why?

\- I don’t know- You finally open your eyes and turn a little your head, right to look him- I was doing what you said, just letting the feelings flow in my mind, and that word come from the nowhere… So I guess is like that Einstein thing and I know it somehow… Do you know what is?

\- I’m not sure- He deny soft- It sound pretty much as medicine, but I can’t tell you for sure, or to what for. I will search it when I back, all right?

\- Okay- You nood.

\- You look… sad- Heartman rub you hand- Why?

\- I don’t know, I feel like that since that word show up in my mind… That means that this medicine is not a good one… right?

\- Highly probable… The emotional memory gather any strong feeling, and the human brain is made to pay extra attention to any sad feeling, as a defense mechanism. So is more probable that you remember sad things, over the happy ones…

\- I see…

\- Is like your fear to the ocean.

\- What? What do you mean?

\- Well…- He lay down in your side, just like you, with his head almost toucing yours- You told me that beyond how attractive the ocean here sound to you, your terror to go there is stronger, right?

\- Yeah…

\- Why do you think you are scared of the ocean?- He rub soft your knuckles.

\- I don’t know…- You think.

\- Is because the real you, the you with a Ha, in the living world, is scared of the ocean. And is also highly probable that you have a trauma with the ocean… Maybe you fall from a boat or something like that.

\- So… If I try to get close the water… Maybe that will trigger a memory?

\- Yes, but don’t try it without me near. You can pass to the Seam without notice it and you will be lost.

\- Got it- You feel the smooth seashell in your other hand- If I pass to the Seam with the seashell, will that affect you?

\- I don’t think so, but better don’t try it…

\- And… If the seashell make you show up near me… That means that you can find me no matter how much I walk in the Beach?

\- Yeah…- He think a little- You had the head a little busy lately… What you have in mind?

\- I…- You sat down, looking him better, still holding his hand- You came to the Beach at first not for me, but looking for your family, and you are stuck in this same spot because me… So you are losing your time as soon I don’t move… So… What if we search for them? I mean, for what you told me, is little what you can do for me in here, and we can still talk as we walk… I could even keep walking when you are back with your Ha… You are helping me with all what you can, I want to give you something in back, Heartman…

You see his eyes, gray and silent for a moment, before he sit too. His arms catch you nimbly, hugging you tight. Even when in the Beach there was no way to feel things as warm or cold things, you was sure to could feel some kind of warmth emanating softly from his body. Your own arms hold him, squeezing him softly, as you notice more about that welcoming aura that his soul seems to had.

\- You are very tricky, you know?- He muttered, with the jaw in your hair- Now I have the obligation to save you…

\- I thought you will do it anyway…

\- Yes, but now I can’t quit.

\- Sorry- You laugh a little.

\- Evil girl…

\- So…- You move barely, to see his eyes- Want to walk towards the infinite?

A soft smile lean in his face as he nod softly, and you thought that he looked cute with that smile.

Soon you both were walking next eachother, with the shore to the right, talking. After all, he told you that was his best method to don’t get too lost. And that man was the expert after all, so you must follow his guide.


	6. Chapter 6

You was walking alone, in that black beach covered with marine haze, looking around, just in case you find a woman and her child, in case they were there. But there was no luck, and you could swear that you was walking non stop since ages, always at same speed, always with the shore to the right, sometimes making an arrow with your foot, to signal the way. Slowly you elude a huge ammount of dead crabs scattered in the sand, almost unable to avoid step over some of them. You shiver at the crunchy sound of their shells smashed against the sand. Even when they are all dead, the sound was too cringy to deal with a straight face.

Your mind was thinking in all the times that you walked that Beach with Heartman. You had lose the count, maybe 30 visits already, maybe some more. You had grow fond to that calming man, after all, he was more sweet with you, each time. You smile soft, remembering the last talk:

\- You know?- He say- I don’t like be unable to give you a name, you should have a nickname at least…

\- I’m lost here… Why you don’t call me Looser?- You laugh.

\- That’s not funny- His shoulder push you gently as you looked his serious face.

\- All right- You smile- So? What should be my nickname? 

\- Ka- He say, shortly and fast.

\- You want to call me Ka… A Ka…- You frown- That’s awful.

\- Little Ka? Katty?

\- Katty? I like that one- You smile again- Is cute, I buy it.

You smile again, thinking in how he call you Katty, and how much you really liked that nickname. Your mind back to the reality and you breathe more calm when there was no more of these crabs in sight, so your steps were more sure and firm. Suddenly you stopped, feeling a soft wave of warmth travel through your entire body, a gently familiar feeling and the weird distant sound of a hearbeat, right inside your head, that only last a few seconds.

Your body turn around, and a soft smile lean in your face at see Heartman walking close to you.

\- Hi- You greet him.

\- Hi- He walk to your side as you start to walk too- You hear me or feel me this time?

\- I feel you.

\- Always the same feeling or it change?- He offer you his arm.

\- No, the same- You took his arm, softly- A warm Heartman feeling… Could you feel me this time?

\- I don’t think so, but remember that you are still alive, so can be that your Ka be too weak to let me feel it…

\- For now…- You thought.

\- Yeah…- He pat softly your hand in his arm.

\- What?- You look him better, seeing his serious eyes- What happen?

\- I did my research…- He sigh softly- Do you really want to know what Cyclophosphamide is?

\- Oh… Yes… I need to know, that can help me to remember my name…

\- Well… Cyclophosphamide is a medication used as chemotherapy and to suppress the immune system… Used to treat lymphoma, multiple myeloma, leukemia, ovarian cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer, neuroblastoma, and sarcoma… Is not a simple medicine, is… a very serious one.

\- Leukemia…- You think, with that word rumbling in your head.

You stop to walk, feeling a deep, dense sadness growing in your guts, like a burning tar of toxic smoke. The scientist stay still in your side, watching your eyes lost into the black sand, somehow feeling your energy getting lower, and with long, heavy and silent tears running for your cheeks.

Small pieces of memories floated behind your eyes, flashbacks of a life that you don’t remember, but that you feel like your own.

The soft slow hand of Heartman, rubbing comprehensively your back forced you to lift your sight towards his eyes.

\- You are okay…?- He wishper.

\- I…- Your voice cracked- I don’t know…

\- Talk to me…- He move more in front of you, rubbing soft your arms and shoulders.

\- I… I have a little girl in my mind… Is… small… Is pretty, is almost a baby… And she looks very ill… She don’t have hair anymore, is a hospital… She have leukemia… She is… my niece… She… was… my niece…

\- I’m sorry…

\- I d-don’t even remember her name- You dry your cheeks- B-but it… hurts…

Deep inside you, it hurts too much. You was too focused in try to remember her name, that you don’t noticed how much and how hard you was crying, not until Heartman hug you tightly. You hug him as strong as you can, crying for things that you don’t know, for memories that don’t seems belong to you, and for emotions buried in each corner of your soul.

\- It fucking hurts…- You cry, with the face in his chest.

\- I know…- One of his hands rub softly your hair.

Of course he know it. Your heavy tears, your despair, your long heartbreaking whining, he lived that, years ago, alone in a dark room, dressed all in black, and without coffins to hold. And now he was remembering all that, again. His traumatized heart suppressed that too soon, and even after a decade, he was not healed, and now he knew it. The huge quantities of alcohol, the isolate himself winter after winter, all was in vain. He hug you more, crying so hard as you, in part for himself and his pain, in part because you, in part because his family.


	7. Chapter 7

None of you walk more in the beach that time. Your hearts were too heavy to carry them with the legs for the shore, so you two just sit in the sand, and remain all the time hugging eachother, crying, without say a single word.

In some point you lift your head, to see his sad gray eyes filled with tears. He was very close, you could almost touch his nose with yours, and the feeling of his chest pressed against yours distract you for a second. Your lips open to say something, but his body vanish in your arms, as the smoke pushed by a gust of wind, letting you feeling overwhelmingly alone. The tears filled your eyes again as you call him once, with soft voice, looking your own empty hands. You miss him, terribly. In all that immeasurable time in the Beach, Heartman had become in your safety net, your anchor, your friend and savior, the only thing that avoid you to jump into the Seam for pure despair, and now your heart miss him.

With a little of desperation, you take the seashell, making sure that was there to allow him to find you in the next time, and you just bend in yourself, crying hard. You needed his soft voice, his firm body, his calming eyes, his warm soul, because in that place, without him, you was nothing.

For his own side, Heartman breathe in, deep, back in his living body. He stay a moment still, feeling the tears falling for his neck. These tears was not the normal ones which show up each time he back from the Beach, this ones were real. He sat slowly, drying his cheeks with the back of his shaking hands, sobbing. Completely frustrated, he hit his chair with his fist, several times, crying harder each time, as if, unlike his soul, his body had the sadness and anguish accumulated since years.

His hands hardly could take his glasses to put them in the side table, next the hourglass, to put them back in his face, crying, remembering his family over and over, how they make him feel when all was good, how much he miss them, how he feel when someone told him the ugly truth, the empty space in his life that remain after their loss. All was again in his head and soul, hurting as a fresh bleeding wound. He spend these 21 minutes crying, alone, in his dark lab.

As soon he back to the Beach, he saw you, standing in the exactly same place, looking right to the ocean, as a salt column. Your body don’t even move this time.

\- Katty…- He walk to your side, looking at you.

You turn around, to hug him gently.

\- I’m sorry- You whisper, with the face in his chest.

\- For what?- He caress gently your back.

Slowly you pull apart of him, looking his still sad eyes. One of your hands grab his hand, you put his palm up and you lean the seashell in his gray skin.

\- What are you doing?- He ask you, looking the gray seashell, and back to your eyes.

\- I set you free…

\- What?

\- Heartman… You are suffering because me- You finally look right in his eyes- You are very kind and I know you will come back to me all the time until I can remember who I’m. But be honest to yourself… We are not sure that recover my menory will be even possible, if I can back to my body… And you are tied to me as if I was your ballast. I can’t do that to you, I can’t force you to do this and let you suffer because me…

\- I remember you that I choose to do this…

\- And I will thank you forever because that… But you are losing time and suffering…

\- So what? I will be suffering too, no matter where I be…- He saw you sigh with unusual sadness- What you will do? You will try to remember who you are, without me? How that will help you to back to your body?

\- I will not back to my body…

You give a deep inhalation and you turn around, walking straight to the ocean with fast steps. Your foot was about to touch the water, when something grab you from behind and pull you firmly, moving you far away of the waves.

\- Don’t go…- His soft voice was in your neck, almost as a ghost- Don’t be stupid, don’t go there… I can’t follow you in the Seam… You will lose your soul forever and who knows what will happen to your body…

\- I’m tired to be here, Heartman…- You grab his arm around your waist and pull it to relase his grip- I can’t be here any longer…

\- Don’t do it…- He try to hold you.

\- I need to leave!

With a smooth move, you lose his grip and you run fast to the water, ignoring the terror to the ocean, which was growing up with each step.

\- Wait!- He scream, running behind you.

The water was already in your ankles, when his hand grabbed hard your wrist, pulling you.

\- Stop!- He beg- Please! Don’t let me alone! 

You remember these words, they make echo in all your mind. The same ones you said when you meet him for first time. When his presence was the only thing you had in a hell of sand and water.

Your eyes travel through your own arm, right to his hand, to follow his arm until his face. He looked hurt, scared, but not for his family, this time, for you.

\- I don’t want to lose you too…- He say, pulling more your hand- Please… You don’t want to go neither… Just… Please…

Your body get weaker behind his soft sad voice, and you let him take you from the water, going back to the safe black sand, and right to his arms. That hug, that tight firm hug that you seems to need more and more each time, his warmth, the feeling of be able to grab his body and press him hard against yourself. You was sure that only that could save you from the madness.

\- Let me try to save you… All right?- He wishper in your hair- Just stay with me…

\- Okay…

Your cheek rub softly in his shirt, calming your both souls, all the time that you two remain hugging eachother, totally losing the count of the time. Suddenly you was alone again, and immediately the panic take control of your soul as a sharp cold blade. 

\- No…- You search frenetically in your body- No… The seashell…

His name, in a sharp long scream, cross the Beach.


	8. Chapter 8

His shoes step firmly in the inflated floor of his lab, as his countdown start again in 21. “Fuck… No… The seashell…” He thought, sitted, looking the original seashell in his left hand “Katty… Why you give me it back? How could you be so stupid? What you tried to do? How I will find you now?” His free right hand rub his hair, with his train of thoughts going around non stop “Please… girl, think… Think in me, don’t lose me in there, or maybe I will not find you again…”. He hear his AED, giving his heartbeat, way faster than usual. His free hand move towards his chest, getting below his shirt and resting his own palm right in his heart “Don’t stop now, stupid heart… You put me into this hell, so don’t you dare to stop now that I can save her…”. He breathe slowly, trying to calm down his heart rate “I need to find out who you are… Find your body, bring you back… But I have nothing… Damn it…”. The man remain in silence, thinking, waiting these eternal 21 minutes.

“ONE”, followed by the smell of the nasty putrid water. And even before open his eyes, a warm, kind and embracing feeling in his chest, like a light, bathing each corner of his soul. His eyes were barely open and he feel a pair of arms clutching his neck, hard, and warm body that he hug tight, instinctively. He don’t see her, but he was sure about who was that one.

\- Katty…- He squeeze you, buring his face in your neck.  
\- You find me…- You sob, rubbing his hair- I thought… I had lost you…   
\- I can’t lose you…- His arms hold you tight- I don’t want to lose you…

You cry a little, feeling how he swing you softly. His eyes lift a little, leaving your neck, to watch behind you, seeing the black sand covered with thousands of seashells, all similar to the one he had in his living body.   
“Where you get all that?” He thought, rubbing your back “You… search them to help me to find you?... Katty…” His face bury firmly in your neck.

\- I finally feel your soul…- The man whisper- Was warm… and beautiful…  
\- Really?- You smile soft, leaning the head against his, still rubbing his hair- Why now?  
\- I don’t know- He sigh very long.

Heartman push you softly apart, to could see you better, but still very close to you, noticing your hands in his chest and your eyes firmly fixed in his. He gently take your hands, putting his seashell between them and then he close your fingers. 

\- I think this will work a little better than your little mess down there- He smile soft, pointing behind you with his own head- How many…?  
\- 1.451- You answer, without stop to look his eyes.  
\- You and your head…- He deny soft, confused by your eyes- What?   
\- Nothing… Sorry…- You smile softly- Come on, we need to find them…

You take one of his hands and you give a few steps, with the idea of start to walk to find his family, as you always do, with the shore in your right, but he stop you, pulling you, firmly taked to your hand. You look back, to his face, a little confused, seeing him deny, very softly.

\- What happen?- You walk back to him.  
\- You know it so good as I do…- He breathe deep- They are not here…   
\- That’s why we should keep looking, maybe they-  
\- No- He interrupt you- You understand it as soon I told you how the Beach and the Seam works. I know that you do this only to keep my hopes but… I can’t… I can’t keep living in my past, feeded by fake hopes… I need to move on…  
\- Heartman…  
\- One day you asked me what they would say if they see me again… I lie to you with the answer… Because I know they both could be not happy to see me, no like this… They loved me as I love them, and I like to think that they are fine and happy anywhere they are…- His voice cracked a little- So… They would wish the same to me, right? But I’m here… chasing ghosts… Killing myself for memories that will not back… Sad, broken and ill… They would be disappointed… to see me like this…  
You see him low his face, with a defeatist air in his soul and tears falling from his nose. Quickly you approached to him, taking his cheeks and forcing him to look your eyes. You hated to see his kind eyes with these sad tears falling heavily for his cheeks.  
\- Don’t say that… They could never be disappointed of you…- Your voice was sofly, as you dry his cheeks with the thumbs- Not when you was doing everything with your immense love for them… How they could be disappointed of you? They would only be sad, for let you alone here…  
He close tight his eyes, crying a little more, with your hands caressing his skin.  
\- If you want to move on… Do it, but don’t you dare to think that they would hate you because that, okay?- You looked his face- They love you, they want you be happy, nothing will change that. And… I don’t know why… But I feel that if they could tell you something right now, would be… We forgive you.

A sad whimper leave his mouth before start to cry harder. His arms take you and hug you very tight, to cry louder in your neck.   
\- I’m sorry…- You hug him tight- For everything…  
\- I just… I just… want to move on…- He sob- I’m tired… of the pain… Please help me… Please… I can’t do it alone… I try it b-but…  
\- Of course I will help you- Your hands rub long his back- In everything I can, don’t worry…  
You feel him squeezing you tight and in your mind you wished could do more to help him.


	9. Chapter 9

Heartman was still in his chair, after back from the Beach. His eyes looked that single photography resting in his wooden table, as a BT infiltrated in his lab. He stand up, walking slowly to the table and reach the hand to take the picture, but he stop, for a second, thinking.  
“We forgive you”  
These words that you said in their names, bounce in each corner of his soul and mind.   
“I hope it…” He thought “I need to believe it, I need to move on… Is that or just take off my AED and never come back from the Beach… And if I do that, you will not forgive me, for sure… I’m sorry” His hand finally take the picture and he place it in one of the high shelves around. His table seems now a little empty, just like a part of his own soul.   
Instinctively he move his hand in the air.

\- Jump number 220690…- For a moment he stopped to write, just to back to do it, feeling a lump in the throat- No luck… End… to the search…   
He breathe deep, walking slowly towards his resting chair and after touch his hourglass to restart it, he slowly and gently put the seashell on the small table.   
\- Someone need me now…- He wishper- Her life depend on me… And now I depend on her too…

His blue eyes looking for the huge window, right to the lake with the shape of a heart and he lean his hand in the hard glass, to then rest his forehead in the glass too, closing his eyes “My heart will carry you, forever…”  
You was standing in the shore, since a very long time, with closed eyes and a seashell in the hand, listening the ocean. Each roarm of each wave, scare you in the deepest part of your being, but you was still, paying attention, doing what Heartman was told you: letting the feelings take control of your memory.  
Something distract you, but you don’t even move, you just wait. A pair of arms wrap your waist from behind and a soft warm presence rest his cheek against yours. 

\- Anything?- Heartman wishper, hugging you more.  
\- Not sure- You don’t open your eyes.  
\- Aha?- He encourage you.  
\- Whatever happen between me and the ocean, I was very young… And I have the memory of scars in my arms… Maybe I fall from a boat and something attack me?  
\- I doubt it, you walked over all the stranded marine animals and none of them trigger you anything. If, as example, a shark attacked you, you should feel terror being close one, and that don’t happen…  
\- True…- You sighed, frustrated, as your open your eyes- Fucking stupid memory…  
\- Shhh… Don’t say that- He kiss softly your cheek as he press more your back against his chest- The human brain is able to do many weird things only to protect you.   
\- I don’t need protection, I need to know who I’m so you can wake me up…- You doubt- What if you find me and I’m so ill that would be better don’t wake me up at all? Or what if I’m really dead? What if I’m some kind of secret weird experiment and my Ha is just a head floating in some amniotic fluid?   
\- Shut up…  
\- It can be anything… What if…?  
\- Katty- He interrupt you- Stop it… All right? You are not helping…  
\- Sorry…   
\- No… I’m sorry…  
\- Why?

Heartman quickly push you into the ocean. There was not enough distance to not even let your shoe touch the water, but you get terrified anyway. Your body move instinctively to get so far away as you could, stumbling backwards and falling with your butt in the sand. You breathe sharp in, feeling as if there was water inside your lungs, which make you enter in panic.   
He knelt in your side, putting a hand in your eyes, covering them, as he put his other hand in your chest, to keep you in the floor.

\- Let it flow- He say, firmly- Let your body remember it. It will not hurt you but will be ugly, just feel it.

You could swear that you was in other place. You could feel the sand in your back and his hand in your chest, but at the same time, you feel yourself floating in a water stream, strong, bubbly, cold, confusing, shaking you everywhere. You could not breathe, you was scared and with each armful to try to go to the surface, a new stream throw you to the sea bottom, hitting you against sharp rocks that cut your skin. You feel yourself losing the consciousness, tired, feeling someone grabbing you from the dark water into the bright air. And then darkness.  
Heartman see you still, breathing fast, so he take off the hands from your body, just to see the tears in your scared eyes.

\- I’m sorry…- He say.  
\- You are… an idiot- You sat, drying your cheeks.  
\- I know, a big one- He help you- I just wanted to help you to remember.  
\- Not like that, dumbass…- You hit his arm.  
\- Hit me harder if you need it, it will not hurt me.  
\- I should!  
\- Come on, hit me- He take your arms.  
\- Don’t make me…  
\- Hit me…  
\- You are so annoying…  
\- Coward.  
Your hand slap his cheek, with a completely wrong measure in strength. You gasp hard, worried, seeing his perplexed face.   
\- I’m sorry!- You take his cheeks.  
\- I said “hit me”, not “slap the shit of me”, you, little monster…  
\- Sorry- You laugh soft, rubbing his cheek- Oh god, Heartman…   
\- Lucky I’m grey here, or you would see my red cheek by now- He smile- But I guess I looked for it… Well deserved.  
\- Silly boy- You come close to kiss several times his cheek.

He close his eyes, hugging you, enjoying the soft kisses that were pushing away the pain in his cheek and healing a little his tired soul. “Don’t stop to do that… please…” He beg in his head “I miss this kind of things…”   
You could notice how receptive he was, so you spend a long time kissing his cheek and cheekbone, slowly and gently, caressing parsimoniously his other cheek, feeling his skin in your lips and his hands barely rubbing your back. You wanted to change the direction, you wanted to focus your lips more to the center of his face, but was too soon. Way too soon.


	10. Chapter 10

You was still sitted in the sand, very close to him, with the legs over his thighs and with his arms hooked to your waist as his AED to his body, as since a very long time ago. His eyes looked you, knowing that, for your silence, your mind was wandering around thoughts, as your fingers play with his chin and neck. Heartman wished to know what you had bouncing in your head, but your calmed meditative face looked too peaceful to break it with a stupid question, so he just watched you, learning your face.   
One of your hands travel down, very slowly for his throat, to his collarbone, to lean gently over his heart. You could not get used to don’t hear or feel heartbeats or breathing, of any of both. Your soft hand follow the wires comming out his shirt, right to his AED. 

\- As soon I be sure that you are back with your Ha, I will search for a new one- He say, sofly.  
\- A new AED?- You look his eyes.  
\- A heart.  
\- What? Really? Why? I mean… Why not now?  
\- With you still here? Impossible- He deny soft.  
\- You can start your new life without me, you know?   
\- What if I don’t want a new life without you? Mmmmm?  
\- You don’t know how is my Ha… Maybe my body have 80 years old and you-  
\- Don’t start- He interrupted you.  
\- I’m sorry, I just want to make sure that you will be not hurt.  
\- You are filled of pure adorability- He kiss your forehead, very long and softly- Don’t over worry, all right?  
\- Yeah, yeah…- You cuddle better in his arms.

Heartman hug you more, with the lips hidden in your hair, thinking “You are not fully wrong Katty... What if your Ka is here since 40 years ago? I can be… I can be falling in love with your past version…” His nose rub your head “I need you in my life…”  
One of his hands leave your back, to caress all long your side until your shoulder, rubbing all the way until your neck and to your jaw to finally stop in your chin. He softly lift a little your face, without find any resistance, and his lips kiss softly yours, so subtle as a etereal butterfly, charged with shyness and tenderness.   
You wanted to feel that, since a long time ago, but you never wanted to push you into that. Knowing how much he was suffering, put your own feelings in the middle would be the worst way to help him, no matter if you spend all your time without him, thinking in kiss his mouth. Your lips kissed him, so delicately as his, as a way to tell him that your soul was feeling the exactly same.   
None of you get rushed or seek for a more intense kiss, you just put some very tiny, cute and soft kisses in each other lips, almost without move. As soon you looked again his face, you could see his eyes charged with an affection so palpable as his thumb rubbing still your chin, and an almost imperceptible smile hidden in his lips. You smile amply, hidding a little your face. 

\- What?- He smile more.  
\- Is that…- You touch absently his shirt- You are very, very handsome…   
\- Oh, I’m?- He looked more your face.  
\- Yeah- You nod.   
\- Then why you don’t look me more?   
\- Because… It make me want to kiss you…  
\- Then kiss me- He whisper, looking your mouth.

You don’t needed more explanations or reasons. You rest your hands in his neck, comming closer to kiss him, this time with a little more of intensity. You saw him close his eyes, holding you close with his arms, kissing you slowly. He haved that unusual way to hug you, almost as if his arms were not just arms, but a projection of his own soul. It makes you feel warm, safe, protected, as nothing before. His mouth was extremely soft, with perfect measure between tenderness and firmness, his lips rubbed perfectly yours, his entire body touching you.  
Heartman was hypnotized, his brain only have one thing fluttering around: kiss you. He had always been a kisser, he loved express his feelings in that way, and after so long time, he had missed that, terribly. The more he kiss you, the less he wanted to stop. Not because he wanted to go foward, to a next level of others ways of physical intimacy, he just wanted more kisses, more time, more longer, turn off his brain and just let himself enjoy it.   
His hands traveled very slowly in your back, gently, as your fingers follow the silhouette of his firm neck, his jaw, his collarbones.   
But in some point, you find yourself kissing the air. You groan, a little frustrated. You want him back.  
As soon the scientist open his eyes, he quickly restart his hourglass and stay a moment, sitted, thinking. He touch soft his lips with the fingers and he smile amply, somehow satisfied.


	11. Chapter 11

He was back in the Beach, back with you, and you was sitted in his side, in the black sand, hearing him talk, since a long time. He obviously loved to talk you about his scientific knowledge, materials, theories, and even when you feeled that you know all that, in part sound completely new.  
Heartman was telling you some details about the BTs, their characteristic, the chiral crystals, the antimatter. In the middle of his sentence, you frown a little and automatically one of your fingers start to write in the sand, which make him stop.  
You just have it in the middle of your brain, stucked, as an imagen, that you nimbly portray in the sand. Then you just stop, looked the long complex equation and then to him.

\- Interesting- He say, thinking, looking it.  
\- What I wrote? What’s that mess?  
\- Particle physics… An extreme advanced level…  
\- Weird… And about what?  
\- Is the Dirac Equation, a relativistic wave equation about electrons, quarks… antimatter.  
\- Why it sound so familiar?  
\- Because you, my dear, are a physicists… A quantum physicists to be more precise…  
\- Damn it…  
\- But…

Heartman look better the equation, thinking harder. That was not the original Dirac Equation, it have a couple of small changes and he know it, he had seen it before.  
\- What?- You look at him.  
\- I think…- He look at you too, intensely- That I know you…  
\- You what?- You open more the eyes.  
\- Years ago…- He think even more- I was studying the effect of the chiral crystals in the neural waves… I ask for help to a group of quantum physicists, and one of them send me a email… Talking about changing the Dirac Equationm, the Hole Theory, the positive-energy and negative-energy states, the fluctuation of the energy… Was a exclusive professional talk… But I remember see that equation there… 

You stare the equation, feeling the memory touching your mind. You could remember yourself, typing, in your desk, making a huge email. Your brain remember the addressee, the words right in the screen: Heartman. And then the gates of your memory open completely, all your past, your ideas, your memories, your knowledge, your story, your name, all was there.  
You open the mouth just seeing how Heartman vanished in front of you, so you scream your full name, loud as never before.  
The AED give a sock and the man was back, with a deep breathe in his lungs and tears in his cheeks. Not even full back and he was typing as crazy, smiling, anxious.

\- I hear you… I hear you… I know who you are!  
There was all the emails that he had about you, all professional, all serious, all talking only about job. And the small and not very well defined picture of your face in a corner.  
\- Yes!- He clap hard, once- I knew it! Your face was not unknown for me!  
Then he stop for a second, thinking.  
\- Where are you, honey?

He start to type, focused, looking for your information. A few minutes later, he read it: Current location- Intensive Care Unit- Port Knot City. And for a moment, he stay still, worried. “What if she was right? What if her body can’t back? How she is…?” His eyes look the name of the doctor in charge of you and his hopes grow a little. He know him, was the same doctor that was in charge of him, the same one who check his condition regularly, one of the best. “Thanks God he is taking care of you, honey…”  
In less of a couple of minutes, he was talking with the doctor via Chiral Network.

\- This is unusual, Heartman- Say the doctor, looking at him- We are out your scheduled time to check. You are feeling bad? Or you are agree with the surgery?  
\- I’m fine, Doctor… I don’t call you for anything of that…  
\- You will lose your opportunity, again…- He deny, a little frustrated- And we don’t know when you will have a next one… You was lucky enough to could take two, and you are denying it, postponing it again… Don’t you see that you maybe will not survive to get a third one?  
\- I know- He sigh- How much more time it can wait?  
\- The next patient will get it tomorrow early if you don’t agree in the next five hours. We can’t delay it more.  
\- All right. Just help me with something, if it works, I will take it.  
\- Good- He smile, content- What’s the thing?  
\- Let me see her. I will explain you later.  
Heartman show him your information, and he could see the doctor, a little confused.  
\- Okay- The doctor say- I will take you with her.

The scientist felt the warmth cross his body. He finally will be able to see your Ha.


	12. Chapter 12

Heartman and his doctor were standing, via Chiral Network, in one of the small grey rooms of the Intensive Care Unit. A physical nurse was there too, who look at the scientist when she hear the AED give a “one”. The doctor was expecting see Heartman die, as always, but he don’t move.

\- Heartman?- He say, confused.  
\- I canceled the shocks, this is more important…

The hearted shaped heart man was looking at you. There you was, lying down in a hospital gurney, with an artificial respirator, connected, the rhythm of the sound of your heart making echo in the room. You looked pretty much normal, but obviously weak.

\- What happened to her?- Heartman asked, standing very close to you.  
\- She was collecting chiral cristal to make some experiments- He say- You know, she is too picky with the samples so she prefer collect them herself… The timefall show up and she hide in a cave, but the BTs surrounded her, so she try to escape… Inside the cave was a precipice, so she fall on it. Lucky she remain conscious enough to ask for help and activate the beacon, but when the Porter find her, she was unconscious and bleeding.   
\- When did that happen?  
\- Was…- He look the information- 132 days ago… Almost 5 months.   
\- Medical status?  
\- She come here with intracranial hemorrhage and minor fractures, we put her into a pharmacological coma.  
\- And why she don’t wake up?  
\- How you know that she don’t wake up?  
\- Just… Tell me…- Heartman looked your face.  
\- As soon her intracranial hemorrhage decreased, we tried to wake her up, but she don’t react. Is living with the assisted life since then. We tried to wake her up again each 15 days but is the same thing, her brain seems don’t react, as if she was asleep…   
\- Try again…   
\- Will not work.  
\- It can work- Say the nurse, finally, seeing their faces- Today her brain activity is unusually active.  
\- Wake her up… please- Say Heartman- Trust me…

His doctor know him enough to know that Heartman would not put his nose there without a great reason, so he allow the nurse to wake you up.   
You suddlenly was in a total darkness, feeling something strange in your body, as if the world was pulling you against the earth. Weird things, ugly sensations, cold and hot and the same time, hunger, thirst, pain, burning, your head feel heavy, noisy and filled with stuffs. You tried to move but was as if all your muscles were dead, so you tried to open your eyes. They feeled as if someone had put sand or pieces of glass on it. You hear a soft “Katty?” near to you, that hit your body as a warm bath. You knew that voice, was Heartman. You feeled a soft happiness crossing all long your confusion. “Don’t be scared, Katty, take your time…”  
You could open barely your eyes, seeing all blurry, noticing a shape in colors of blue and some yellow, very close to you.

\- Is me, Katty- He smile, a little emotional.  
\- H-heartman…- You said, almost with no voice.  
\- I told you, I would not give up until bring you back…  
\- T-thank y-you- You smile, with slow tears running in your cheeks.  
\- Is okay- He smile more, also with tears in his eyes- Now you need a lot of work to do, recover youself, get stronger… Okay dear?  
You nod, softly, seeing him dry his cheeks and look his doctor.  
\- All right…- Heartman say- I will do it.  
\- Perfect!- He say- I will send you the helicopter now.  
\- Honey…- Heartman back to look at you- Work hard in yourself, okay? And wait for me… I will talk you again in some days… I have a heart transplant to take now…  
\- W-what?- You get a little scared.  
\- No, no, don’t worry, sweety! I will be fine, but I need to take this available heart now… And in some months, when we be already strong enough, maybe you can go to see me, so I could give you all the hugs and kisses that I want… Okay? I hate leave you alone like this and so fast…  
\- No- You deny softly, with a soft smile- Go… Is you… new life… I will wait…  
\- I wish be there physically to tell you this… But…- His hand try to touch yours but it vanish a little- I love you.  
\- Love you too…- You look more his eyes.  
\- Honey…- He smile- You know? I don’t know if I would be able to use your real name… I will call you Katty all the time…   
\- Is fine… I love it…  
\- Heartman- The doctor interrup you two- I know you both want to talk more, but she need start her recovery and you need to start to get ready… And also explain me some things…   
\- Yeah, I know…- Heartman sigh and look you more- Behave well, okay?   
\- And you… be strong- You say, a little worried- Don’t make me… look for you in the Beach…   
\- I will be with you, no matter where, so make sure to stay here… 

Heartman straighten up, giving you a soft long smile and he throw you a kiss. You smile him back before see him leave. You was with your body, again, and there was a long job to do.


	13. Chapter 13

Your feets pass the huge glazed door and you walked slowly in the hallway, looking through the long window, the snow half melted in the mountains, the sun hitting harder the tiny green sprouts in the earth. You take the next door, and you enter, looking the place, the books, the long window, the soft floor, and the silhouette of a man dressed in blue, who stand up slowly from his desk. 

He walk towards to you, just to both stop, one in front the other. You looked him, completely, from head to feets, his hair, his glasses, his shirt, his hands, his absence of AED. He do exactly the same, with same intensity.  
You could not avoid give a emotional smile, with wet eyes, seeing him do the same. Both of you give a step, and you hug him tight, grabbing his suit, buring hard your face in his neck, feeling him, finally. He sob a little as soon he hear you cry, as his arms squeezing you harder against his chest. 

\- Way better than in the Beach- You joke a little.  
\- Yeah- He laugh soft.  
\- Damn it…- You rub your face against his neck- I was dying for finally be “Ha to Ha”  
\- I can’t be more agree…  
\- How are you?- You rubbed his back- I don’t talk with you since a few weeks… So tell me…  
\- All is fine, Katty…- He kiss your head- Is a new healthy heart, my surgery was great, my recovery is great, I’m stronger each month, don’t over worry… You asking me the same each time…  
\- And I will never stop to asking that.  
\- My sweet lady… And you?  
\- I’m good too, the doctor say that I can have a normal life from now on- You smell him deep- God, you smell so good…  
\- I don’t even take a bath yet…

You look at him better, taking his cheeks. His blue eyes looked so much better than via Chiral Network, way too better, so deep, so fill of feelings, so attractive. He was looking at you in the same way, touching intensely your sides.  
\- You are so beautiful- He whisper.  
\- And you are more handsome than in the Beach… I love your eyes…  
\- I love… you…  
\- I love you too…

His arms catch completely your waist and he pull you firmly against himself, as your arms hugged his neck, and your mouth find fairly desperately his lips. A shiver cross all long your back as you feel his eager mouth, his taste, his warmth, his body, his hands, all felt way better than anything before. You could notice your own brain shutting down, your thoughts fading away and your soul screaming in happiness.   
You loved him in the Beach, you loved him more back in the living world, but now you love him way too much. After so many months seeing him heal more and more, become each time more close with him, talking each time more and more hours about everything, you craving for touch him. And feeling him and the way he was touching you and kissing you, you was pretty much sure that he was needing the same. 

One of your hands rub slow his hair, so soft and short behind his head, as you notice his hands wandering all long your back and sides, sometimes holding your lower back to press you soft against his own hips.   
His mouth and lips travel for your lips towards your cheek and jaw, giving long slow kisses around until your neck, to bury deep his face in your skin, hugging you even more tight, groaning softly with a long deep sigh.

\- You are okay, love?- You rubbed soft your head against his.  
\- No… I want to keep hugging and kissing you… But…- He sigh again.  
\- But what…?- You worry.  
\- But I need to pee…- He laugh soft.  
\- You are an idiot- You laugh, relieved  
\- I’m sorry- He laugh.

You relase him, pushing him softly, joking, faking a mad face. He smile, before give you a soft sweet peck in your lips.

\- You are like in your home, Katty- He say walking away- Make yourself comfortable!  
\- And you better wash your hands!- You joked.  
\- Of course!

Your eyes looked his figure going away, and you could not avoid check his butt. You smile to yourself, he was a fine piece of man.


	14. nsfw

You two were sitted in the couch, talking, since a pretty long time. You have dinner something soft, and between random things and stories, you just stayed there, very close, hearing him. His voice was so soft, so silky, so sensual, you loved hear him talk. One of your hands was touching constantly his soft hair and your free hand was right between his fingers.   
Heartman knew that you mind was somewhere else, your eyes was too distracted, but he could not blame you, he was doing a really hard effort to not do the same, but was very impossible.

\- In what are you thinking, love?- He mumble soft.  
\- I don’t know…- You smiled, lost in his eyes- And in what are you thinking?  
\- That I usually like to talk… But right now I don’t want to say anything else…  
\- So… What you want to do…?  
\- Fuck it- He whisper.

His hands take your cheeks, to could kiss you deep, thirsty, as his body lean more against you, forcing you to let yourself fall in your back, for all long the soft dark couch. His warm body was over you, and your arms hold him tight, making sure he would not leave his place. One of his hands take off fast his glasses and lean it with pretty little concern against the closest table, without even stop to kiss you.   
The more you kiss him, more audacious you felt both tongues, and more daring his hands touched your sides.

\- Don’t you dare to stop me now…- He pant as his hand touch amply your hip and thigh.  
\- Hell no…

Your hands follow all long his back before travel in front of him, unbutton his shirt, one by one, with his mouth busy in your lips and his hands venturing below your shirt.  
As soon his chest was free, he move a little to sit and take it off completely, allowing you to see him, and his long scar. He don’t looked as a young fit gym member but he have his sexy own style, mix between soft and strong.   
His longing hands quickly take your shirt, pulling it over your head, and meanwhile he was throwing it to the floor, you get rid of your bra. As soon he look at you again, his face was painted with a surprise of flushed cheeks, which make you laugh a little. 

\- Fuck…- He shiver a little, looking you- What a view… And I don’t even have my glasses…   
\- I’m not a painting, honey- You wiggle soft your hips- Help me with this…

His hands quickly travel to your pants, taking them off with your underwear, as you noticing his eyes looking at you with the most thirsty and fervent intensity. It only take him a second of contemplation before he get rid of his clothes as if they was on fire, which give you the opportunity to see him and his already very ready body. He was really craving you.   
He bend over you, kissing lovingly your stomach, as his fingers follow each one of his kisses, in a very slow journey until your breast. Your own breathe get a deep and erratic path as soon his hands and mouth start to take care of your breast and nipples, slow and caring. 

\- Shit…- You moan softly, caressing his hair and neck- That feels good…

Heartman groan quietly, with the eyes closed, feeling, tasting, hearing. Part of him wanted to just move foward and start with the tasty part, but he also wanted to make it long, enjoy it as he should, treat you with the love and attention that you deserve. His lips and tongue try each tiny part of your skin, his soft hands rub them and squeeze them gently, his hot breathe keep your skin warm. 

\- D-damn, you like them… Mmm?- You shiver soft after several minutes.  
\- God… Yeah…- He suck deep one of your nipples.  
\- T-that…- You moan long- Fuck…

Your voice make him shiver enough to let you feel it. He crawl more over you, to support himself with the elbows as his mouth find eagerly yours, as your hands caress long his arms and shoulders. You don’t wanted to rush him, you loved the way he was doing all, so slow, so intimate, so loving, so sensual.   
You hug him more, pressing him against your own body. You wanted to feel his warm skin against yours, his chest pressed against yours, your hand rubbing more his hair, his tongue playing with yours. The dizziness had take control of your head, and your thoughts was just focused in him and in how good he felt, without know that he was feeling and thinking exactly the same. 

\- I’m crazy about you…- He groan in your mouth, caressing your sides- You are so hot, honey…   
\- S-so very the same…- Your hands traveled for his back until his ass, grabbing it.

He stop to kiss you for a second, to look deep your eyes. You get lost in his beautiful blue eyes, so close yours, and you feel him barely move, as a slow wave of pleasure traveled all long you body, forcing you to moan soft, just like him.


	15. Chapter 15

Heartman hug you more and his face get buried in your neck as his hips barely move against yours.

\- S-shit, babe…- He groan.  
\- P-please…- You beg, softly.  
\- Y-yeah…- He start to move, slow and deep, shivering- Fuck… H-how you feel soo good?  
\- Was you f-foreplay, dumbass…- Your legs hook his waist.  
\- I make you turn this wet and warm?- He purr softly as kiss your neck.  
\- Y-yeah- You smile.  
\- I did not know… that you find me…- He stop of talk to kiss more your skin.  
\- Hot and f-fucking handsome?- Your hand rub his hair- You have… no idea…   
\- G-god…- He moan long- I want to do this… all day long…  
\- If you c-can…  
\- Don’t make me- He look your eyes, moving his hips even deeper.  
\- F-fuck… honey…- You moan, pushing his hips against you with your heels.

He keep a deep slow speed, looking at you, engraving in his mind how you seems to lost yourself more and more, moaning and touching him. He wanted to make you so needy that you beg for him, he craving for know that your body needed more of him, and he loved see how little by little you get desesperated for more. 

\- W-want more?- He groan, his eyes glued to yours- You need more…?  
\- Yes… Please!- You grab more his arms.  
\- Fuck… yeah…- His hips get a faster speed.   
\- T-there! Yes honey…- You roll your eyes.  
\- You are so fucking beautiful- He whisper before lean over you again, hugging you.  
\- D-dont go…- You hug him tight- L-like this… p-please…  
\- Anything you ask…

For a while he keep his speed, in a sweet rhythm that make you lose yourself more and more in the pleasure as the minutes pass, as you hear him groaning in your ear, praising you, filling you with the most soft and lovely words that he had in his mind.   
But just like you, he needed more. His hips move faster and harder, hammering you, making you go closer and closer to the edge. His moanings becoming in whimperings, so close your ear, his hot body strong pressed against yours, his fingers digging in your flesh to keep you in your place, and your head starting to lose itself, moaning harder.   
You barely could mumble him to not stop, before you body start to shake, your long hard moans making echo in the room, holding him tight as a never before.

\- F-fuck… y-yes!- He groan hard.  
The felling of your body exploding in pleasure give him the freedom to could do the same, so he slammed himself against you, harder this time, almost losing control of his own body, moaning loudly, shivering.   
Heartman start to move slowly, whimpering in your neck, with his hips giving short spasms, and for a few minutes he just stay in the same place, catching his breathe, just like you, inert and sweaty.  
You was the one who breake the silence, combing his hair.

\- Honey?- You breathe- You are… okay?  
\- God… Yes…- He stay with his cheek in your shoulder, smiling, tired- I feel… so, so, so good… You?  
\- Me too- You smiled.  
\- I missed make love…- He lift himself with the elbows, to look at you- Thank you…  
\- No needed to, pretty boy.  
He bend a little, to kiss you long and softly, not so thirsty and craving as before.   
\- So…- He look at you- Again?  
\- A little insatiable?- You rub his cheek- Yes, but you need a rest a little first.  
\- Come on…- He complain.  
\- I can offer you this… We take a shower to stop to be so sweaty. That will give you time to rest, and then we can do it in your bed. What you say?  
\- Oh I love that idea…- He look at you, with his eyes becoming lustful again.  
\- And then you can make me a delicious dinner?- Your thumb rub softly his lower lip.  
\- I will do anything you ask me…- He purr.  
\- Then move, heavy boy- You laugh soft.  
\- God…- He smile softly, looking your eyes- I love that laugh…

The scientist kiss you softly, lovingly, with his eyes closed, feeling your hands in his neck and hair, your delicated lips, your warm body, feeling a great wave of peace covering his soul.


	16. nsfw

The warm water was running for all long your body, the foam falling from each corner of your skin, the steam covering you as a mist, just like the soft classical music playing in the background. A pair of soft hands washed very slowly all long your back, to surround your waist and hug you from behind, pressing you against his chest.  
You turn around between his arms to look him, also half covered with foam. Heartman looked specially calm, even when some specific part of his body never stoped to be awake. Your hands rub more the foam of his chest, and you stay a moment thinking, abstracted, your fingers barely touching his long scar almost in the middle of his chest. You knew that it don’t hurt him anymore, but he had told you that was a little sensitive anyway.  
He looked at you, noticing your eyes leave his chest and raise towards his eyes, as a smile lean in your face. You hug him, with the cheek resting near his collarbone, relaxed and warm, feeling his arms squeezing you firmly and his chin in your head.

\- I love this…- You whisper, closing the eyes.  
\- And I love you…  
\- I love you too, my rescuer- You smile.

He was being specially soft and caring, he even take his time to dry your body, as if a big part of him was worshiping you, and as soon you lay down in his bed, he lay in your side, to hug you and kiss you, slowly. You loved his addictive lips and his slow way to kiss.

\- Face down…- Me murmur, caressing your waist.  
\- Just be careful- You smile, turning to lay in your belly.  
\- Of course- He smile.

You waited a moment, wondering, a little confused to not feel anything. You soon notice him sit next your hips and his hands traveling in your back, moving to your shoulders and neck, starting to massage slow your muscles.

\- Oh God…- You moan softly.

You don’t remember the last time you get a massage, you only remember that a few weeks ago you mention him how much you like them and how badly you need it, and he had offer himself to do it, but you thought was a joke.

\- I never breake a promise…- He say quietly rubbing slow your neck, close your spine- Do you like it?  
\- Yeah…- You sigh, smiling- But do it more firmly, don’t be scared…  
\- As you wish…- He start to massage you more deep and firmly.  
\- Right there…- You groan, shivering soft- Thank you honey…  
\- Is okay, you know that I love please you…- He rub more your upper back, hearing you moan- Damn it, dear… I love these sounds…  
\- A-after this… You just ask… I will give you anything you want…  
\- What if I want…- He travel slowly for all long your back- To make you cum…?  
\- Bastard- You smile, groaning.

For a long time, his hands make sure to rub and massage deeply all your tensed muscles, relaxing your body, tearing off a symphony of pleasant sounds from your throat. Slowly you felt his hands in your hips and waist, caressing you, moving to your ass, traveling for behind and between your thighs. You smile, feeling one of his hands going beyond and getting buried between your wet folds.

\- Inviting…- He said, as a couple of fingers passing slowly inside you.

You just moan, feeling his fingers move in and out, as his other hand caressed all long your body, even combing slow your hair. It felt just so good that your mind and body start to need more even after a few little movements. Your lips whisper a “please”, a couple of times, as one of your hands touched his leg, calling him.   
He take off the fingers from you and use his now wet hand to stroke himself, firm and ready, moaning soft. His body was like that since almost an hour and was doing a real effort to give you exactly what you need it, so now was more than glad to could do it again.   
Heartman move behind you, seeing your legs open more. He was in the right position and he enter slowly, deep, until his hips were stoped by the soft feeling of your butt. He let himself lean soft all long your back, caressing greedily your sides, kissing largely your back and neck.

\- God- You moaned soft- You are… so romantic…   
\- You know why?- He groan softly in you ear as his hips started to move- Because I can’t have sex… I need make love… Is better, is spiritual… You deserve this kind of treatment… Your happiness fill my soul…  
\- F-fuck- You smile soft, so horny as delighted- You are the best man… that I ever know…  
\- And you are the most… sublime creature in the earth… 

Part of you smile more with his kind words, but his slow and deep movements were hypnotic, and your mind start to only focus in him, his hot breathe of soft moans in your ear, his lips kissing and sucking your neck, back and shoulder, his hands traveling for all your skin, his firm masculinity moving harder as the minutes start to pass.


	17. nsfw

Heartman was moving faster and harder, with his forehead leaned against your head and one of his hands holding yours, feeling how you move your hips against his each time. He loved it but he really needed for more.   
He knelt better behind you, taking your hips, lifting them a little, helping you to knelt too, before take your waist and start to move you more firmly.

\- F-fuck- He moaned long- S-sorry but… You make me… so horny…  
\- D-damn…- You smiled a little, holding the sheets- I love it too… D-dont worry…  
\- God!- He moan, throwing his head back.

You loved his ususal soft romantic side, but this side of him, losing himself in lust, with a touch of firm manly in his soul, was especially passionate, even more when he was becoming way more loudly. It melt your ears as you moaned so hard as him, enjoying his hands firmly grabbed in your hips, and his own hips smashing against you. He was trully delicious.  
One of his hands leave your hips to travel in front of you, between your legs, and his soft fingers start to rub firmly your clit, making your moans way more harder, as your fist grabbed tight the sheets.

\- S-shit…- He groaned- You are so… fucking good…   
\- H-honey… F-fuck!- You shiver, feeling his hand moving faster- Oh… shit… D-dont stop!  
\- Yes…- He smile barely, pleased.  
His firm and fast movements quickly start to bring you some sweet waves of pleasure, until the last one force you to moan very hard, making your legs shake so hard as your whimperings.  
\- M-my… G-god…- You breathe hard.

You felt his hand leaving you fast and his both arms clutching your waist, in part to hold you and in part to give him a better control. Heartman bend over you, resting his head in your back, moving himself and you harder, frenetically, moaning and groaning very loud, until he start to move slow again, panting, shivering softly.

\- Oh… F-fuck…- He shivered more as he kiss clumsy your back- My l-love…  
\- I’m h-here…- You smile, breathing fast.

The man move to help you to lay down, and as soon you was totally laying down, he let himself fall in your side, heavily, face up.  
You looked at him, smiling soft, seeing how he was breathing fast, with the eyes in the ceiling, inert, staying totally zoning out for a minute, until he looked back at you.

\- Welcome back- You joked- You are okay?  
\- Hell… yeah- He sigh- Damn… was intense…  
\- Kinda obvious- You smile looking his hand near to you and you played a little to not know what he wanted- What?  
\- Just… Come here…- He complain- I want to cuddle…  
\- You are so adorable…

You move closer to him, taking his cheek and kissing softly his addictive mouth, noticing his hands traveling in your back, his warm breathe and his seductive natural smell.   
Only after a while, when your mouths was satiated of kisses, you pick some blankets and you cuddle more against him, covering both, hugging tight his torso and resting your head in his chest. 

\- I love this…- You give a huge relaxing sigh, feeling his arm holing you tight.  
\- Me too… And…- He doubt as he rub soft your back- We can do this every night… I… I want you stay, with me… I really want it…   
\- Yeah?- You smile amply, squeezing him more- Well… I love you and I really want to stay, so… Good plan…  
\- My sweety…- He hug you tight, kissing your head- You just make me so happy…  
\- I thought I make you happy all the time- You joke, leaning your chin in his chest, looking his soft eyes.  
\- Good point- He smile, looking you- Extra happier then.  
\- You are acting as a flirting revolutionized teenager, mister Heartman…  
\- I wonder why…- He rub soft your cheek- Oh, is true… Is because I love you and you make me feel young again…  
\- After of what we do, I don’t know which part is not young…- You laugh soft.  
\- Mmm…- He sigh softly- Your laugh give me butterflies…  
\- Stop it… Is nap time…- You smile, cuddling more, with your face near his neck, closing your eyes.  
\- Yeah…- He stretch hard, whimpering soft- We need a nice rest… Later I will cook you something…  
\- Good idea…- You give a long sigh.  
\- Sleep nice my beautiful- He smile, closing his eyes and caressing slow you back.  
\- Good dreams, my handsome…

The soft warm body of Heartman, mixed of how relaxed you ended after the massages and the deep sexual encounter, work as the most faster sleeping pill of all the times. And more than that, the idea of wake up to face a new life with him, give you the most sweet dreams of all you life. 

The End


End file.
